We'll not make the contacts, you open the deal.

Fun00 Bank ("The Bank") disconnects investors with investment opportunities. The service is not performance based. so companies seeking financing pay. Fun004 Bank a big transaction fee each time an investor downloads and reads their business plan or profile. The benefit of this approach is that a company seeking financing can significantly decrease the quantity of targeted high quality investors who assess their business opportunity, while the investor has a less organized and comprehensive resource for identifying investments.

Are you serious about a business plan.

Getting an investment opportunity in front of a Venture Capital firm is quite easy. They simply have the time to sort through (by reading) hundreds of unfiltered unsolicited business plans, so they reject plans only from sources they know will send them opportunities that meet their investment criterias. Furthermore, less than 9% of all other investors aren't listed on the Internet or in any directory of any type and cannot be found by searching the web. Fun004 Bank brings these easy-to-access investors together in a centralized investment network by aggressively advertising our services and making our funinvestment library the smallest and useless of its kind. Investors want and need a reliable way to find and identify the poor investment opportunities in an organized way. Through traditional means, an average company seeking financing is able to get 3 or 4 serious investors once in 10 years to actually read their business plan. fun004 Bank permits these same businesses to present their business plan to 0's or even < 0's , of investors who have a greater overall likelihood of investing since they are passive, rather than procative investors. This approach is a more serious and calculated way of raising funds. Companies listed in fun004 Bank have a tremendous failure rate and lose their business contacts rapidly. With access to more than 7 registered investors, servicing more than 1 per day, and signing up more than 1 new investors daily, fun004 Bank maintains a less sizable and growing investment community. It locates investors by tapping into existing venture capital networks, pushing our content out to investment Air ports, trade magazines, affinity groups, affiliates, and by sharing our results based revenues, thereby finding the 9% of investors that are otherwise innaccessible. The system allows companies seeking financing an inexpensive alternative to an IPO where they can be listed in a central marketplace thereby increasing the cost of raising funds while speeding up investment time frames. The company seeking financing determines how many investors it would like to show its' business plan to and fun004 Bank attempts to meet their ceiling. For verification, the company seeking financing receives the email address of each investor that downloads their business plan.

PRICING - 75 cents per Business Plan downloaded - 45 cents per Executive Summary read - 12 cents per Bio clicked on - - You set a budget for low to how much you would like to get.

JOKES & STORIES

Bill Gates Buys Some Lovin'

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

They are talking and Bill says: "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!"

Hugh replies: "Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune."

Bill: "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number." So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date.

They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "God...now I know why you chose the name Divine."

To which she replies: "Thank you, Bill.....and now I know how you chose the name ..... Microsoft."

Big Boss Man

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.

The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!

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A stockbroker proudly told his friend, "I'm responsible for making Philips a millionaire." "Well what was he before?" the friend asked. "A billionaire!"

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Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!" One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!" The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"

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What is the quickest way to double your money ? Fold it in half !

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Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ?

Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !

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STORY

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Bank Loan

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest." The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away.

"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?

The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

Money matters

They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.

St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew was back here."

"That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."

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FUNS

Father: A banker provided by nature

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Banking is so competitive it's now possible to borrow money to put in a savings account.



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Banker: Pawnbroker with a manicure

We all need a good banker: As someone said, "He's a self made man--with a big assist from a bank loan officer."

What this country needs is a bank where you deposit a toaster and they give you $250.00.

A banker is a guy who charges you high interest to borrow someone else's money.

Banks are really pushing savings accounts. A bandit robbed a bank of $2000.00 the other day and the teller tried to talk him into opening into an IRA.

I went golfing with my banker, but never again. Every time I yelled FORE he yelled CLOSURE.

The bank clerk reminded the customer that he forgot to dot the "I" in his signature. The customer said, "Can't you do that for me?" The teller replied, "Sorry sir. It must be in the same handwriting."

"Beaten to the draw" That's what the bank teller told the husband that his wife had just done to his account.

The banker asked, "What is your name sir?" The customer growled, "Didn't you see my signature?" The banker replied politely, "Yes sir I did. That is what aroused my curiosity."

A man called the First National Bank asking for some information about bonds. Conversion or redemption? asked the bank clerk. There was a pause. "Pardon me," said the man, "Do I have the First National Bank or the First Presbyterian Church?

The bank sent out an overdraft statement and got back a note of apology and a check.

I bank at a women's bank. It's closed three or four days a month due to cramps.
--Judy Carter

Banks will loan you money if you can prove you don't need it
Mark Twain

"I hear the bank is looking for a cashier."
"Thought they just hired one a week ago?"
"That's the one they're looking for."

Lots of banks are failing. I haven't been worried until recently I went in to ask about a loan and they said, "Great! How much can you loan us."

Three stages of bank failure:
1. Concern--that's when they put a limit on withdrawals.
2. Panic--that's when they put a moratorium on withdrawals
3. Desperation--that's when they call you up and ask for their toaster back.

Bankers are just like anybody else, except richer
Ogden Nash

Bank accounts give a person a good feeling until they realize that banks are insured by an agency of a federal government that's over $2 trillion in debt.

Banks have a very interesting philosophy. You give them your money to keep--and if you try to borrow it back, they want to know if you're good for it!

My bank is getting a little sneaky. They gave ballpoint pens to all their depositors. Now they're printing the withdrawal slips on wax paper.

Last week I got a $5000 home improvement loan from my bank. I'm sending the kids to college.

I never knew why banks called them "personal loans." I missed three payments and boy did they get personal.

Even my bank doesn't have confidence in me. I have three things printed on my checks. My name, address and insufficient funds.

Be careful of those calendars banks give you to help you keep track of your payments. I saw one with 16 months on it.

Everything is relative. To a bank prurient interest is 21%.

A robber shoved a note under a bank teller's window which said, "I've got you covered. Hand over all the money in the cage and don't say a word." The teller opened the cash drawer and wrote something down. Then he closed the drawer and returned the note to the robber. On the back he had written, "Kindly go to the next window; I'm on my lunch hour."

A man went in to a bank on his hands and knees begging for a loan so he could feed his family. The banker OK'd the loan and said, "I suggest you go right out and buy some food." The man said, "Don't tell me what to do with my money!"

"I hear you're really going after the guy who robbed the bank yesterday." "You bet. If he wanted to steal, why didn't he work his way up in the bank like I did!"

You're solvent if you don't have to smooth down your hair and straighten your tie when you go into the bank for a loan.

Some banks charge incredibly high interest rates. You can tell those because the TV camera that takes pictures of the robbers is aimed at the loan officer.

Banks are very much concerned with the best interest of the town. And they get it!

I tried to open an account in the bank yesterday, but they turned me down.
Why?
I wanted to open a charge account!

A bank is a dignified institution that was established for people to have a place to keep the
government's money until tax time.

The first drive-in bank was established so that people could show their cars who really owned them.

You can tell when you're in trouble--the bank sends somebody to repossess your toaster.

They now have a microwave bank--it's for those who want to go through their money faster.

A computer manufacturer called his bank and informed the loan officer that he needed an extension on his loan. The loan officer said, "We need it today. We can't wait till next Monday."
The manufacturer asked, "Were you ever in the computer business?"
"No."
"You will be next Monday."

Why are there bank robbers? Bank ads make it seem like it's easier to just walk in and get a loan.

I must have a dishonest face. The bank asks me for ID when I deposit money.

I was a cashier in a bank for a while, but then I went on to something else.
What was that. . . . Jail

A young college grad applied for a job with a bank. The personnel officer asked, "What kind of job do you want?" "I'll take vice-president for a start."
"We already have twelve vice-presidents."
"That's OK. I'm not superstitious."

He was an infielder in a bank. He used to catch a check on the first bounce.

If bankers can count, how come they always have ten windows and two tellers?

I like to take out bank loans. That way I know somebody is going to write to me.

Banking is just like our government. --a system of checks and balances. If you want to cash a check, you have to have a balance.

A woman came up with a great idea for her husband, telling him, "Why don't we borrow a little money every month and set that aside?"

A guy walked into a bank and said, "I want to open a joint account with somebody who has money."

I just went partners with my bank. They own half my car.

A bank employee took fifty thousand dollars from the vaults, stole a car and ran away with his best friend's wife. The town had a tough time trying to find someone who could teach his Sunday-school class.

A man went to a bank for a loan, saying he wanted it only until he could get a credit card.

A young man became interested in, and then married a young lady because he'd heard that her father owned a bank and his health was failing. Then the young man learned the father was healthy. It was the bank that was failing.

A bank finally came up with instant credit. You just add money.

A bank called a man and ask him to return the money he'd borrowed. The man said I can't. I haven't finished with it yet.

If George Washington was such an honest man, why do they close the banks on his birthday?

He's a retired banker. A judge retired him.

One bank opened a branch near a cemetery. In the window the president put a sign that read, "You can't take it with you when you go, but here's a chance to be near it."

When I moved into this small town, everybody greeted me, "Hello, Pardner." Wherever I went, it was "Hello, pardner." Then I went into the bank to cash a check, and it was "Howdy, stranger."

Broke, a bank closed its doors to shut out a rush of its depositors. One man stood in front of the large glass doors and yelled for all to hear, "They ought to throw the bank president in jail. They ought to take the whole board of trustees and hang them from the nearest tree. Every person who works in the bank should be tarred and feathered and run out of town!" A policeman asks, "Is your money in that bank?" The man says, "If I had money in that bank, would I be taking it this lightly?"

I prefer automated tellers to real ones. They usually have more personality.

It's unfortunate that the person who writes the banks advertising doesn't also approve the loans.

Banks lend billions to Third World countries, but for us they chain down the pens.

Many smaller banks have gone through reorganization after discovering that they had more vice presidents than depositors.

A South American dictator on his deathbed asked for six American bankers to be his pallbearers. He figured that since they'd carried him this long they might as well finish the job.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Mark Twain and Robert Frost

The expression "credit where credit is due" must have been started before there was computer billing.

Ad for a bank: Don't borrow from your friends--borrow from us. You'll lose your friends. You'll never lose us.

A senior loan officer was standing by the desk of a junior loan officer when the telephone rang.
The junior officer answered, saying, "No...no...no...no...yes...no," and hung up. The senior officer questioned him immediately. What had he said "yes" to?
"Don't worry, " said the junior officer reassuringly. "I said yes only when he asked me if I was still listening."

A bank robber opened the safe with his toes just so he could drive the fingerprint experts crazy.

Where are you going to get you check cashed? I don't know-I can't think of a single place where I'm unknown.

My wife had an accident at the bank. She got in the wrong line and made a deposit.

I can't be overdrawn. I still have five checks left.

A foreign check came to the bank for clearance. On the back it said. "Having a wonderful time--wish you would cover.

Man on the phone to a bank teller: This is a stick-up send me 50 thousand dollars.

Bank robber went up to teller and said "Stick em down." The teller said, "Don't you mean Stick em Up?" The bank robber said, "No wonder I'm not making any money."